If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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