so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
