somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
