She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
