What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
