I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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