Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
