We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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