Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She's the barista slut.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize