Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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