it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
