Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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