I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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