Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's blow job season.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
