i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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