how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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