Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
