I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
