I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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