my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
