my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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