We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we made out on top of his cat.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
