Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
