I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
