she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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