never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
