dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize