Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
