i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
