do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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