Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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