Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
