i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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