I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
