Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize