hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
