I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
