So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
