i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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