there's paper in my vomit.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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