I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
