if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
