I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
