naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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