By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
