When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
