Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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