I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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