did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
