she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
