Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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