Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
