This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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