Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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