i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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