8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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