So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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