Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
