I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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