doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
