that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
