You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
