At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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