so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Damn victory sex feels great
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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