well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
