Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
