A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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