omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
