Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
