Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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