so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
