yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
