Don't you send me to vm
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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