drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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