Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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