So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
