I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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