I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
