sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize