you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
