as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
