batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
